Adoption Journey, Part 1: Why Adoption?

I am going to take detour from my typical blogs, to answer a request from some of my friends.  I have had a few friends ask me to blog about our adoption journey.  So here I go :)

Adoption is one of the most beautiful things on earth that demonstrates what Christ did for us.  

In May 2004, Miles and I met.  We started dating in August, and we were engaged officially in December (though unofficially probably September :)).  We got married March 5, 2005.  We actually loved the idea of adoption and talked about the possibility of adopting months before we got married.  

For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.  The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. (Romans 8:14-17)  

My sin came between me and being able to know God.  I had to die to pay for my sin.  God had a son, Jesus.  He gave up that Son to pay the die for me, so I could live.  Jesus died a humiliating death on a cross, the death of criminals, so that He could have me live with Him eternally.  Because I accepted the gift of His death, I received the Spirit . . . God is my Father.  I call out to Him "Abba, Father"  or "Daddy".  I am His child.  I am an heir of God!  

Paul continues on in the book of Romans:

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.  Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. (Romans 8:22-25)

God adopted me! He calls me His Child! I have all the rights and privileges of being a child of God!

This is what we want to do for another child. We want to help a child that could not help themselves because this is where I was in standing before God. I could do nothing to help myself. I was at the mercy of God Almighty, and He chose me! I want to choose a child, and give them a life that will be more stable. Life in Christ is much more stable than life away from Him. I can't imagine how depressing and meaningless life would be without Him. Knowing that I am loved by Him and that He gives me meaning, keeps me from losing hope. He is my hope! Being able to help a child who has no hope, and give them a stable life of love and security based in the love that I enjoy in Christ will be a dream come true. I want nothing more than to have a child come live with us, and walk away when they become an adult knowing Christ and being a witness for Him because of their personal story . . . not because of us.

So for us, it is something that we have felt called to do.  Little did we know that it would actually be our only option physically (at least according to medical doctors who really don't know;  only God really knows.) Miles' health has been progressively getting worse since the mid 90s.  We have been to countless doctors, and no one really knows.  They know his body is having an auto-immune response, but they don't know why or what.  After getting to a point where he was nearly bed-ridden, we gave up on doctors and started changing the way he ate . . . drastically.  He has gotten much better, but fertility doctors told us that his health had damaged his sperm.  We probably will never have children.  This was devastating news, as it was a dream that both of us had had for years.  

During this time, we learned much about God.  We learned that His plan is perfect.  We learned that He carries us.  We learned that God is bigger than anything else on earth.  We learned that His love for us is all that is important.  We learned that following Him is all that matters.  We need to live with eternity in mind.  

I prayed for children for years.  I watched as girls who should never have children (in my human opinion) get pregnant every time they had sex.  Seriously God, she has had 3 children in under 3 years!  God, this girl is a drunk, and you have given her 4 children.  I just don't understand.  He reassured me that I could trust His plan.  He told me that He gave me children.  He told me to love His children, regardless of age.  I work with college students all week long that need parental figures.  I watch other people's children that need help.  I teach students all year long how to properly care for their own children.  This is what God has called us to do.  

Until July . . . When Miles told me that it was time.  He had been praying about it.  Miles' health had greatly improved, but he wasn't expecting to ever be well.  We need to proceed with adoption now, if we are going to do it.  So we talked with friends who have done international adoptions, private adoptions, foster care adoptions, and agency adoptions. We even considered IVF one more time. We left the consultation for IVF in agreement that we needed to just go the adoption route. 

After praying through these options, we met with two adoption agencies: Harmony Family Center (Knoxville, TN) and Bethany Christian Services (Chattanooga, TN).
We connected very well with the lady at Harmony.  She was very helpful.  She also told us that an adoption would cost anywhere from $11K on the low end to $17-18K on the high end.  

We went to Bethany's information meeting, and we didn't feel comfortable from the beginning.  Nothing seemed to fit well.  This is nothing negative about Bethany.  They do a great work all over the world.  They prepare everyone very thoroughly (maybe too thoroughly for us, if that is possible).  The last thing that helped us choose Harmony was that Bethany has a flat fee of $18K.  Then there are some other fees like attorneys and adoption finalization on top of the $18K.  

So this is how we came to the decision to adopt as well as what kind of adoption we chose.  I will blog again soon, telling you about the next step in the process . . . the home study. 

Beauty for Ashes

It is a phrase I have heard often over my life, but I have been heavily impressed with God's ability to bring beauty out of ashes this week.  Sin, disappointment, divorce, sickness, brokenness, disillusionment, infertility, violence, etc, have been everywhere around me this week.  Here is what Scripture says about it in a prophecy about Jesus:

Isaiah 61:1-3"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor." (NIV)

Jesus came to provide a way for us to be with Him.  Our sin blocks us from being able to know Him, but Jesus paid for our sin.  So in this passage, as it talks about the devastating situation that we are in--brokenhearted, captives, in darkness, prisoners, mourning, despair--He brings beauty, joy, and praise. 

So as I have been watching people fall prey to the consequences of their sin and the sin of the people around them, I am reminded that in spite of our self-centered sinfulness, God can still bring beauty from it.  

Have hope in Him today. 

Peace

Those who love Your law have great peace, And nothing causes them to stumble. (Psalm 119:165)

The other day I was sitting on my couch doing something, I have no recollection of what right now.  I sensed a bit of angst in my spirit, but I wasn't sure what the root was.  The verse above came to mind, and as I mulled it over the angst disappeared.  

I am still not sure, but there is a good chance I was checking my facebook page.  Facebook is full of antagonistic postings: political, social, and religious. I even stopped watching the news because I get so tired of hearing about anti-God things.  I don't ignore the news, because we are told to watch and be aware of what is happening and coming (Luke 21:28).  We know what is going to happen, and even in Revelation 2:10, he says "Do not fear what you are about to suffer." But I digress . . . 

The point that the Lord confirmed in my soul this week is the power of His Word.  When we read, apply, and believe His word, the peace that overcomes us is only of Him.  So this morning, I read through Psalm 119 to remind myself about the power of His word.  

Here are a few of my favorites this morning: 

My soul cleaves to the dust; Revive me according to Your word. (vs. 25)

If Your law had not been my delight, Then I would have perished in my affliction.  I will never forget Your precepts, For by them You have revived me. (vs. 92-93)

The sum of Your word is truth, And every one of Your righteous ordinances is everlasting. (vs. 160)

So as you go throughout your day have a verse or two in your mind to mull over, because His word brings great peace.  

Self-Control

Self-Control:  "restraint exercised over one's own impulses, emotions, or desires" (m-w.com)

 

As a new year begins, we all see commercials/advertising for ways to lose weight, eat better, work out more, diet pills, gym memberships, cardio machines, Weight Watchers, athletic exercise apparel, etc.  It seems a bit ridiculous, but even though many people don't hold to these things, they do try.  They do typically have success at least for a few days.  I appreciate that people at least want to do a little better. 

2013 was not the most pleasant of years, but it certainly wasn't the most difficult.  Miles health has been a little better.  Work has been more stressful.  Max has brought us much fun and laughter.  Friends and family struggle.  Two credit cards were paid off.  God has taught us very much, and I do believe the root has been self-control. 

I was at the gym a few days ago, and someone I had not seen in awhile asked about Miles' health.  We have made so many diet changes that it is ridiculous.  We have seen some glimpses of improved health, but for the last two weeks we have seen a significant improvement in his health.  For a year, Miles has eaten basically meats & greens.  He cut out sugar, corn, gluten, grains, carbs, fruit, dairy, caffeine, etc. Two weeks ago, he started eating homemade fermented foods, and drinking bone broth.  It seems to have healed (or at least begun the process of healing) his leaky gut, and now he can eat more things.  The lady said to me, "I am so proud of you guys.  Most people just give up and live with whatever their symptoms are.  You two have implemented a difficult diet, and continued to do your own research after doctors just tried to label an autoimmune disease that you were going to have to live with.  That is an incredible amount of self-control that most people don't have.  They would rather take a pill, or give up."  I had never thought about it that way before.  Another friend was so encouraged by Miles' improvement, that they asked if he would talk to one of their friends who was bed-ridden (as Miles had been two years ago) to tell them what he was doing.  Miles talked to the person, and they were unwilling to do what Miles was doing.  They were BED-RIDDEN, and they didn't have the self-control to just eat better to feel better.  We are so lazy as a society. 

The other night, I saw bits and pieces of "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" on HLN.  It is an excellent documentary on obesity.  I hope to soon find time to watch it in its entirety.  We as a nation are so concerned about how a food makes us feel that we don't even have the self-control to eat what will help us.  We will eat ourselves to death . . . literally.

Though I struggle some with self-control, I know that my temperament is more self-controlled than the average person, as I recall my childhood.  My mom would give me $1 a week to buy a $0.20 ice cream each day at lunch.  If I wanted to save the money, I could.  I went years in elementary school with no ice cream at lunch, because I knew that I could save the money and go on vacation to the beach with alot of money in the summer.  My mom almost felt bad for me because I was one of the very few kids that didn't have ice cream at lunch.  I saw the benefits of delayed gratification at a young age. 

If you aren't familiar with the Stanford Marshmallow Experiment, you need to search for videos about it.  A child is put in a room with a marshmallow.  They are told that they can eat the marshmallow.  The other option is for them to wait as the researcher leaves the room and then returns.  If they wait until the researcher returns to the room, and they haven't eaten their marshmallow, they will be given another marshmallow.  So eat immediately and enjoy one, or don't eat now, but eat two later.  Kids were licking the marshmallow, they were turning their heads away from the marshmallow, etc . . . very funny videos!  They found that the children that could delay gratification were more successful in life.  They could see the value of controlling themselves to wait in the face of not being happy in the moment. 

As Americans, we are all about doing what feels good, and it has resulted in a lot of problems:  poor health, obesity, out of control children, bullying, disrespect of people, dropping out of school, failure, misery, falling away from God.  Self-control is a struggle for everyone, but it is crucial to life in this world and the one to come. 

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.  Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.  Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another. (Galatians 6:22-26)

Though self-control comes more easily to some (as do other parts of the fruit of the Spirit), self-control is a result of living in the Spirit.  It is crucifying the flesh, and living by the Spirit.  It is about the change the Christ makes in us when we live in the Spirit. 

As a child, I was able to sit next to my classmates all year long as they ate ice cream and not buy any because my eye was on the prize:  Having a large amount of money to buy something bigger when I went on vacation.  Miles was able to cut all of those things out of his diet because his eye was on the prize:  Better health.  Parents that have the self-control and discipline to inflict temporary pain (time-out, spanking, not getting what they want) on their children are able to do this because they have their eye on the prize:  Respectful, independent, and well-adjusted children.

So this year, make a resolution to keep your eye on the prize:  Christ,
Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.  Colossians 3:1-3

The prize is Christ . . . the self-control is:  abiding in Him, being grateful, choosing to love people, forgiving, etc, etc.

Holocaust

Holocaust:  "any mass slaughter or reckless destruction of life" (www.dictionary.com)

Last evening, I had the fascinating opportunity to listen to Esther Bauer speak about her survival of the holocaust.  Her story puts flesh on the horrific events that happened in Europe during World War 2 by Nazi Germany.  Though she admits, her story isn't nearly as horrific as many that she has encountered or we have heard, it is still incredible to think about the compartmentalization that this woman had to do to survive such heinous events.  She spoke of the events in a very matter of fact tone, almost as if she was watching the events take place but not experiencing them.  As a person who has studied psychology extensively and been a counselor for several years, I can understand that this is sometimes necessary to survive events like these.  I value the time I had listening to this nearly 90 year old woman speak first-hand of these events. 

When she completed her story, she asked if there were any questions.  One young woman asked her something along the lines of, "Did these events affect your faith in God?" And her response (as close as I can remember) was gut-wrenching or gut-punching to use a word from my author friend.  "I am an atheist.  If I thought there was a God that would allow all of those horrible things to occur, then I would have to kill myself.  There's just good people and bad people. That's what I think."  There was silence . . . so many impressionable minds in the room and such bitterness.  To have lived a life of such unforgiveness also helps me understand why she had to compartmentalize so much. 

Please don't get me wrong. I don't blame her for her feeling that way--that is a natural human response.  She has every "right" humanly speaking to feel that way. 

The instant I heard her statement, God immediately impressed on me to pray for protection for the impressionable minds in the room and then more importantly, that Esther Bauer would know true liberation in her life.  She is physically liberated, but emotionally and spiritually in bondage. 

I don't want this blog to be an attack on Esther Bauer; it is not my intention at all!  What I do want you to remember is Forgiveness.  God forgave us all for far more than Esther Bauer endured.  While hanging on a cross, suffering the most grueling and cruel death, He said, "Father, forgive them because they do not know what they are doing."  (Luke 23:34)  We are the ones that put Him on the cross.  If we were not sinners, then He would not have had to endure that . . . and yet, He chose to.  We must forgive all the time . . . not just for our own sanity, but because He gave us the opportunity to accept His forgiveness of so much more.

Secondly, I want you to hear that things like the holocaust have happened all throughout history.  Read the Old Testament.  Sometimes God had the Israelites slaughtering people, and sometimes God had other people slaughtering the Israelites.  It was all in His plan.  He has a reason for everything that He allows.  We have a hard time with this because we can't think from an eternal, all-knowing perspective . . . we can only see ourselves.  It doesn't make sense to us, so we reject God.  He knows that many will reject Him.  His eternal purposes do not align with our human purposes/understanding.  Even in my comments above, why did God allow sin?  Maybe so we could learn to forgive others through modeling.  (I don't claim to know God's purpose in anything, it is just my finite mind trying to understand.)

I am sure that I have offended someone, and I hope you aren't offended to the degree that you won't at least consider what I have said.  I have done a lot of studying of Scripture, and God has taught me a great deal during my short life.  This is what I understand.  You are free to disagree with me, but as Esther Bauer said last night, "You can believe what you want, but this is how I believe."

(Side note:  Read some books by Viktor Frankl or Corrie Ten Boom or Deitrich Bonhoeffer to see how some people grew in their faith as a result of their experiences in the holocaust.)

And the Pendulum Swings . . .

I grew up in a pretty legalistic environment. Everything was wrong from music that had emphasis on the wrong beat to skirts that were above the middle of the knee.  Strict, blind obedience was highly valued, asking questions to understand was rebellion.  So I played along, and I pleased the people.  The problem with this was that the goal they were shooting for was pleasing God.  I don't blame the environment too much because they were trying to create an environment safe from sin.  Unfortunately, God is concerned about our hearts.  He wants the behavior to be a result of a heart change not a rule change. 

When I moved to South Florida, I began to understand the freedom of grace and how much God loves me.  Without realizing it, I had developed an understanding of God being this big guy in the sky who loved me so much that He was waiting for me to step out of line so He could punish me. I began to learn that God really does love me.  He wasn't waiting for me to step out of line so He could punish me.  I began to grow in the knowledge of God's love for me.

And the pendulum began to swing . . . I went from a god waiting to punish my every move to a god that doesn't really care what I do.  It is funny how when the pendulum begins to swing, it is hard to stop it in the middle.  So it swung hard to the other side.

Over time, God has shown me that He truly does love me.  He is more concerned about my heart motives than my actions . . . however, my heart motives will control my actions.  He is concerned about my heart motives and the actions that result.  My pride will make me do things that seem good on the surface but are extremely fleshly . . . for instance, all of those years of following all the rules.  I wanted people to think highly of me, so I followed the rules:  pride.  I looked good to everyone around me, but it was all rooted in pride. 

The truth that I have to remember is:  GOD HATES SIN.  He cannot coexist with it.  He loved us so much, that He sent His son not only to die a painful death, but more importantly, to take on the sin of all mankind for all time.  He separated Himself from His son.  He put on His son the one thing that could separate them . . . so He could make a way for us sinful people to be with Him.  Jesus wasn't so concerned with the pain and agony of dying on a wooden cross (lesser men have sung praises to God as they were martyred).  He asked for the "cup to pass" (Matthew 26:39) to not have to be separated from His Father.  He knew what that really meant (Matthew 27:45-46). We don't get it. 

Side note: As I looked for a picture of Christ on the cross, many of the pictures were gorgeous with sunsets and beautiful clouds.  This painting seemed more realistic.  The sky was black in the middle of the day, and I often associate God's anger with thunder and lightning (though not necessarily; just an association that many of us make).

We sin and think little of it. Every time we sin, we should remember that Christ died and was separated from God for that "little white lie" or that slandering of another person or that envious heart, etc.

So what is my bottom line?  We serve a God Who loves us and demands holiness.  The love isn't all feel good, flowers, chocolate, cuddling . . . it is the deepest form of love there is.  Don't make God's love out to be similar to the way I love Reese's Peanut Butter cups or the way we see love on tv.  It isn't the same, but He does love you so much that He made a way for you to be with Him.

May you know the love of God more and more today and for eternity . . .

Fear

I was talking to some friends on Sunday, and they were telling me a story about having a "funeral" for their bug that died.  The little boy told me he read a bible verse, and I asked him which one.  He said, "2 Timothy 1:7."  Knowing that verse very well, because I have needed it so much, I asked him, "What does that verse say?"  He said, " 2 Timothy 1:7, For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and sound mind."  I smiled as I enjoyed watching a young child remember God's Word.  It will probably stick with him for life. 

On Tuesday, we had some men come to put a new roof on our house.  I knew it was going to be loud, but I figured we would get used to it.  I never anticipated how much it would affect my dog, Max.  Now, you must understand we don't have children, and Max is our baby.  We tried desperately to calm him down as he barked and jumped at every noise.  He eventually stopped barking, but he had to be touching me or Miles, and his eyes and ears spoke volumes. He was scared to death.  He couldn't relax.  He was in a constant state of fear.  I hated watching the fear in his eyes.  It pained me to see that he couldn't relax.  So we spent the rest of the day and half of Wednesday trying to find places to take him where he could keep cool and be relaxed.  Poor guy was so exhausted on Tuesday night that he slept 12 hours straight! 

It is amazing how fear can wear us out.  It is amazing how it can paralyze us.  What amazed me even more than that was how much I hated seeing it in my helpless dog's eyes.  He couldn't understand, and I hurt for him.  This is just me and my dog.  I am certain this would be so much worse if it was your child. 

So I come back to 2 Timothy 1:7 . . . If I can't handle seeing fear in my dog, or a child, imagine how God feels. He gave us the answer to fear because fear doesn't come from Him, and many times we ignore what He has given us.  It must grieve Him so much!

God has given us power.  ". . . Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world." (I Jn 4:4)  Believers have the ultimate power residing within them.  God has given us love through His son.  "Greater love has no one than this, that One lay down His life for His friends." (Jn 15:13) He has given us the greatest example of love.  God gave us a sound mind.  ". . . be transformed by the renewing of your mind." (Rom. 12:2).  He gave us a mind that can think clearly and rationally and with faith, and we can be transformed by it. 

So use those resources to fight off fear.  Fear is not from Him, and I am sure it grieves Him to see us in fear.   We should realize we are safe and have nothing to fear when our faith is in Him.