Journey to Contentment

Let me preface this blog with a disclaimer . . . My thought processes are very clear to me, but I won't be surprised if they are unclear to you.  Please feel free to ask if you don't understand me. 

I have spent a good portion of the summer helping a pregnant teenager manage the craziness that life brings as a mother approaches giving birth, delivering the baby, and adjusting to life at home. The teenager who longs to be married with a family, wonders why she made these choices;  for me, being someone that has longed to be a mother for many years, this was an bittersweet experience. I saw my first live ultrasound and the miracle of birth which I am still in awe of the God I serve from that experience.  It will be an experience that I will never forget.  I am forever grateful to God for allowing me to witness these things.  God amazingly made this experience mostly sweet, though I could have wasted much time in the bitter.  Why does God allow teenagers who don't want to be pregnant to get pregnant, when so many married people long to be parents and aren't able to be parents?

I used to be stumped by this and other questions, but God has begun to teach me this summer about expectations and entitlement.  The natural progression is get married and have children.   I often see Christians ask single people, "Why aren't you married yet?"  (As if they are less than normal because they aren't married.)  Am I better than another person and therefore deserve to be a parent more than others?  (And my ugly pride surfaces in entitlement.)  This "natural" progression may not necessarily be what God has for each person, and that doesn't make them any less of a person or any less valuable.  I don't think anyone would say that, but that is the message that is communicated to the person who isn't married or without children. 

For fear of this being a blog that is too long, I am going to try cut to my bottom line here.  Life is not about our expectations or sense of entitlement.  Bottom line . . . my life is not about ME.  The US has created a culture of entitlement, and it has creeped into Christianity.  I expect and am entitled to have children, good health, a husband, a full time, good paying job.  God doesn't promise any of these things.  He promises us Himself. He promises that He will meet our needs. He promises that trials and tribulations will make us more like Him. When we evaluate our expectations and entitlements in light of God and His Will, our expectations and entitlements must die.   

We think that being married should be an expectation, but Paul talks about it being better to be single than married because you can focus on the Lord instead of your spouse.  (I Corinthians 7:8) I think the same applies to children.  Because I don't have children, I am free to focus on the Lord and the ministry that He has to be done.  Poor health and poor paying jobs keeps us humble and dependent on the Lord instead of self-sufficient and prideful. 

I'll end with a verse that a friend shared with me today, and that was such an encouragement:  For the Lord God is a sun and shield; The Lord gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. Psalm 84:11. 

She quoted this verse, and God said to me, "See . . . I told you that I wouldn't withhold any good thing from those who walk uprightly.  You walk uprightly, and I'll give you everything that is good for you.  Obviously, having a husband in good health, or having children are not good for you right now.  You may think they are, but they are not. Trust Me."  I need to rest there . . . in Him. 

So remember that God's goals are the only ones that lead us to contentment.  Evaluate your expectations in light of Scripture, and you will see the road to contentment as you let go of your self-centered goals. 

Love

I've been spending a week or so contemplating love.  Not romantic love or even love of a child . . . but agape love . . . godly love. The fruit of the Spirit is what God was bringing to mind for me to really mull over, but I have gotten stuck on love. 

This kind of love is difficult.  It is unnatural.  Which is why we can't conjure it up.  This kind of love is a result of living in the Spirit. 

⁴³“You have heard that it was said, ‘ You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴ But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. ⁴⁶ For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? ⁴⁷ If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? ⁴⁸ Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. (Matthew 5)

Who can do that on their own?  No one. We teach our kids to avoid or fight back when someone is mean to them.  We say, "Why did that nice thing happen to them?  They aren't good people."  or "They were mean to me, so I am going to just pretend they don't exist."  These are not loving responses.  We have been so molded by our culture and Satanic attacks that we prioritize our selfish feelings above what God commands.  We need to pray for people who are mean to us.  We do need to love and do good to people who mistreat us or slander us. 

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:21)

I often think, "but they don't deserve love, God!" He quickly reminds me that I didn't deserve it either.  I remember when Hussein and Bin Laden were killed, and I (along with the rest of the US) rejoiced.  Hussein and Bin Laden didn't deserve to be loved, but it doesn't mean that I shouldn't love them.  It was hard to imagine loving those men, but that is what God commands.  They deserved death . . . so do I.  It is easy to love people who are kind and loving.  Loving people like these men, or just the person who says false things about you, this is love that only comes from God. 

We love, because He first loved us.  (I John 4:19)

Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life. (Proverbs 4:23)

Love is good . . . it is a result of living in the Spirit. So spend time in the Spirit more and more every day, so that love for people flows out of us. 

Christian Enmeshment

As I look back on my life just a few short years ago, I realized today that I lived a life of Christian enmeshment.  Dictionary.com defines enmeshment as "entanglement."  A few short years ago, I was a counselor and faculty member at a christian college.  I was heavily involved in my church, and all of my friends that I interacted with regularly were from one of those two locations.  Most of my life has looked like that to some degree.  Christian school, Sunday School, church, church camp, Bible college (undergraduate & graduate work), and all of my friends were from those places.  I worked in secular settings a few times and I would approach them as a battlefield where I would be underfire the whole time instead of seeing it as a place to go and take life to people.  I would hunker down, see myself as better than them, and try to get through it until I was back in the safety of my Christian bubble. 

In November of 2008, I began doing church with my husband outside of a traditional church building, building relationships with people who weren't going to a traditional church.  Most of these people would never step across the threshold of a traditional church building.  In August of 2010, I started teaching in a community college.  As I look back now, I realize how free I feel.  I came alive especially when I began my job at the community college.  There are very clear lines between who is a believer and who isn't.  People are surprised and grateful when I give grace, or care about their lives instead of expecting me to.  They talk to me about why I am so peaceful and kind when that is very different from other people around them.  In my Christian enmeshment, I found a lot of bickering over doctrinal issues, or gossiping about the sin people were in.  Neither of which was inviting or encouraging.  We would often get in the way of each other and the work that God was wanting to do.

A friend of mine today used the word enmeshed when describing my life before.  He was absolutely correct.  There is nothing good about being enmeshed.  There was a whole part of my life for Christ that was missing.  It is hard to carry out the Great Commission when you don't know any unbelivers.  It is hard to be a light to a dark world when you only isolate yourself in Christian environments. 

Please don't get me wrong.  I love my Christian friends.  I treasure those relationships where I receive truth, encouragement, prayer, and unity of mind, and I can pour into their lives as well.  I spend as much time as I can with them.  When I am around my Christian friends, I see them as an oasis. I value my time in the Word alone, with my husband, and with my friends (believers and unbelievers alike).  Seeing the Word through an unbelievers eyes shows me new things.  God teaches me constantly whereever I go. 

I'm so grateful for the work He is doing in my Jerusalem.  He encourages and grows me daily through it.  I'm so grateful for my freedom. 

Prepare to Be Amazed!

Look among the nations!  Observe!  Be astonished!  Wonder!  Because I am doing something in your days--You would not believe if you were told.  Habakkuk 1:5

As I look around at the things going on in my life, I sometimes just call out to God saying, "What are You doing??"  I know He has a plan, and I know it is for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28).  I know that He knows and is in control, but it just doesn't make any sense.  Yet, I continue to trust and have faith in Him.  Why?  Because He is worthy to be trusted.  How blessed are all who take refuge in Him! (Psalm 2:12).  We have no choice but to trust Him!  We would be stupid not to.   Do I think I can do any better?

Well, this past week was especially stressful and weird, and I heard myself saying, "What are You doing?" and He reminded me again of all His promises.  He also reminded me that everything is for His glory, so I need to choose to give Him all the glory.  We took a risk, and daily reminded ourselves to do everything for His glory.  As each day passed, we saw God do some really cool things.  The cool things weren't what we were hoping for, but God did get the glory through everything. 

Through this process, Miles was reminded of the verse in Habakkuk above.  We have no idea what God is trying to do, but keep your eyes open and watch, because He is doing something.  We may not know what it is right now, but He will reveal it to us eventually. 

It is kind of like winter.  It can be disheartening and cold, but it is a time of dormancy to prepare for spring.  We must go through some time of preparation to see what God is going to do with us. 

TRUST, OBEY, & BE PREPARED TO BE AMAZED!!

Satisfaction

He is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.  John Piper

This quote has intrigued me for years.  I liked it with my head, but as with so many aspects of Christianity and Scripture, it has difficulty making it into my heart.  The idea is great, but how does that happen. I had two conversations yesterday that helped shed some light on it for me.   

I was talking with my friend Lisa yesterday, and she was talking about two interesting passages of Scripture.  The first one:  James 5:11 "We count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lord’s dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful." Even after living through difficult times, we can still say that He is merciful & compassionate.  And the second passage in conjunction with it is from Job, since the passage in James is making reference to Job: Job 42:5  "I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear; But now my eye sees You;"  We both acknowledged that we knew the Lord pretty well before our unique trials, but as Job says here, "But now my eye sees You." We knew things with our heads, but now with our hearts, or "our eyes of faith" as she put it. 

The second conversation was with Miles.  I was just saying that I feel like God has taken me to new depths in relationship with Him. He asked "What has God taught you that makes you feel like that?" Strangely enough I wasn't exactly sure how to answer the question. He has given me peace like I've never experienced in the midst of trial (vs. after the trial when hindsight is 20/20). There is nothing like being at complete peace in the midst of seeming chaos. I have typically been able to see that after the trial, but not during the trial. But it is more than that . . . I trust Him. There are passages of Scripture that don't make "logical" sense, and yet, it doesn't matter to me. I know that He is in control. I know that He has a purpose. I know that His ways are far higher than my ways . . . Hence why He is God and not me :). Miles said, "Yes. As we grow, He shows us more of Him and not more of what to do!" That is the point of Christianity anyway . . . to know Him . . . to bring Him glory!

So I'm learning more and more of God, and less about what I am to be doing.  Christianity isn't about "maintaining" my salvation.  God did that; it is finished.  It is about Him.  I can rest because I trust Him implicity.  I can trust, because He has opened my eyes of faith.  It is a very satisfying place to be . . . and according to John Piper, it is where He is most glorified.  

2011

James 1: 2-3 Consider it all joy my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith proudces endurance.

This has been one of the most difficult years of my life, and I have no desire to relive it.  I can honestly say though, that I wouldn't trade what I've learned for the world.  At church, we have been studying James 1, and for the first time in many years, I've been going through a very difficult time while studying "Count it all joy . . . when you fall into various trials."  I remember thinking, "Are you kidding God? I know You see what we are going through.  You can't possibly want me to be joyful!" as I watched my dreams appear to go down the toilet. 

I learned that God seems to prepare people for His service in the wilderness.  Moses, John the Baptist, Jesus . . . they all spent time in the wilderness before they began their ministry.  2011 was my year in the wilderness.  I'm not sure if my time in the wilderness is over or not, but I know one thing . . . He is all that I need.  So when something difficult comes along, I want my response to be, "Okay God.  You are about to do something really cool, and I can't wait to see what it is.  Please give me the strength to see it through!"

I learned that life truly is about serving the Lord.  Nothing is more important.  My job, my health, my husband, my future . . . nothing.  God is all that matters.  Everything on this earth is temporary except what you accomplish for the Lord.  God hasn't given me all the things on this earth that I desire (as I made reference to earlier "watched my dreams appear to go down the toilet"), but I'm more than content with what He has given me . . . His joy which is my strength (Nehemiah 8:10). 

I didn't have any choice except to delight myself in Him.  He didn't give me the earthly desires of my heart (at least not yet), but He has changed my desires to be what He desires.  That is where the joy and contentment come from.

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. 

So as the sun sets on 2011 and I wait for the sun to rise on 2012, I look forward to what the Lord has in store next year. 

TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY

James 1

We've been studying James 1 over the last few weeks, and I think this is the first time that I have been studying James 1 while going through a very difficult time.  It has been extremely challenging.  It is quite easy when things are going well to say, "Yes!  We need to have joy in the midst of trial!" and quite another thing to do it. 

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials. (James 1:2). Yes!  Another trial.  Woohoo!  Thanks God!  But the passage doesn't stop there.  . . . knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:3-4).  Focusing on the trial certainly doesn't bring joy at all, but focusing on the end result does.  Enduring trial helps us to be better people.  It makes us more like Christ, AND THAT IS WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT.  Focusing on how difficult things are will just depress us.  Focusing on how God is getting the glory by us rejoicing in the fact that He loves us enough to refine us and use us to show God's grace . . . that is worth rejoicing about. 

Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.  (James 1:12) If you are persevering under significant trial, you are blessed!  Don't run away from God saying, "How dare You put me through this!"  Trial is a gift from Him; an opportunity to trust Him in a new way.  An opportunity to stop depending on yourself, and put all of yourself into His hands. 

Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. In the exercise of His will He brought us forth by the word of truth, so that we would be a kind of first fruits among His creatures. (James 1:16-18).  Don't be deceived . . . God doesn't tempt you.  Everything that He sends you is good and perfect, even if you don't like it.  He doesn't change.  You can always trust that He will do what He says He will do.  He will never leave you.  He will always give you good gifts.  He will always love you.  He will always do what is for your best.  You can trust your life to Him.  What a relief when it seems like life is slamming you around like a ping pong ball!  You can trust all of your pain and your joys to Him.  He brought us forth by truth because we are His most prized possessions!  Trust Him. 

I skipped some verses throughout this passage so that this wouldn't get too long . . . but this whole chapter has just been convicting me and convicting me.  I have to trust Him with my life.  All the things going in on in my life that I don't like . . . they are gifts from Him to make me more like Him.  He has my best interest at heart.  It is all about Him and His glory . . . not me.  How blessed to know that God is giving me the chance to bring Him glory through my trial. 

Thanks God for the opportunity.  Increase my faith.  Help me to reflect You accurately!