Adoption Update 10: Perspective on STILL waiting

Who knew this wait was going to take as long as it is taking??? . . . and we are still waiting.  I have lost count how many children have come to our attention and a family member steps in.  We are well over 20 children at this point in our over 3 year adoption process.  We have been waiting nearly 13 years, but the official wait is just over 3 years. 

There is a situation that has arisen, and we continue to wait even in the situation.  At this point, we have gone from the occasional emotional roller coaster to a daily roller coaster.  The prayer support from my friends and family has been humbling. I am forever grateful regardless of how the situation turns out. 

As we try to understand the ups and downs of the situation, it makes no logical sense.  We are constantly trying to apply logic to a very illogical situation.  Yet God continues to remind me that it isn't about me . . .

1.  There is a baby whose future has yet to be determined. 
2.  There is a young birth mother that is trying to make the best decision she can for her baby's future. 
3.  There is a young father in a world of trouble who is trying to manipulate everything with not much to stand on. 

We want the baby to come into our home and be loved on with God's love.  So that is the best answer, right?  Maybe . . .

There are 3 souls here.  A baby could really change a birth mother's or birth father's world.  I have seen a baby change a person's direction in life for the positive. 

There are 3 souls that are having some interaction with the love of Christ through us.  It isn't direct contact right now, but the prayer support that we are experiencing is also affecting these three lives. 

Then there are the many, many people that hear our story and are prompted to pray, to give, or just to watch as we struggle through.  I have had many people talk about how our struggle has been so encouraging to them.  One person said to me, "You have such a great perspective on this."  I didn't get that on my own. God has graciously given me that perspective shift through His strength and the countless people praying for us. 

The thing is, if I didn't have this perspective, I would be an anxiety-ridden, depressed, and angry individual.  I HAVE to take the perspective that it isn't about me.  This world and God's plan in it has very little to do with me, and EVERYTHING to do with God's glory. 

So . . . there isn't much of an update here, but we just continue to wait. 

How can you help?  First and foremost, please pray for us, for the birth parents, the baby, and every person that encounters this scenario.  None of us will do well without prayer.  We are in desperate need of Him. 

Secondly, we are a little short of our adoption costs because this process has taken so long  . . . the 3+ years and now attorney fees with this extended process on this particular situation.  You can support us financially through Paypal:  mmozlee@yahoo.com or https://www.gofundme.com/gr2e5s

I am so grateful for all of you. 

Hope: Adoption Story pt. 9

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. Psalm 63:1 

This year has been one of significant challenges physically, spiritually, and emotionally which makes everything difficult.  Everything feels like a chore.  I am not sure that I would have made it without a couple of my friends constantly reminding me of their prayers for me even in my darkest days.  The texts with Scripture and prayers gave me hope in a dry time.  It reminded me of our church's (Candies Creek Church, www.candiescreekchurch.com) byline:  River of Hope for a Thirsty Land.  I was feeling thirsty, and the body of Christ brought me water.  Hope is a powerful thing when discouraged.

The adoption front has been very dry.  Some times we will have several opportunities that arise where babies may be adoptable in a matter of weeks, but this year has been VERY dry.  We have considered using another agency, but the amount of paperwork, time, energy that takes to apply to any agency is a bit overwhelming when you are discouraged.

This morning I was reading from Brennan Manning's Souvenirs of Solitude.  [I so enjoy Brennan Manning's writings.  If you have never read anything by him, I highly encourage you to read something.  Some of my favorites are: The Ragamuffin Gospel, Abba's Child, and Ruthless Trust.]  I was feeling beat down spiritually, and he reminded me God's love of Israel, and their continued lack of trust in Him.  I read Psalm 105 in conjunction with Manning's book, and read how God fought hard for His people.  He loved them so much that He not only rescued His people, He destroyed those who fought against them.  God loves us that much too!  He sent His only son to leave Heaven to become a lowly human for 33 years, and then killed Him, so that we could spend eternity with Him.  I want a child so much, and to think that God loved me so much that He killed His one and only child to show me how much He loved me . . . There are no words . . . only humble gratefulness.

Overall, as I look back, Miles health has had some slight improvement.  Our house is beginning to see some changes as he is sometimes able to work on it.  When you live with chronic illness, it is very discouraging. We added Cali (an adopted Chocolate Havanese off a kill list in Los Angeles) to our family.  I had some wonderful friends who were very encouraging to me.  I have a job that I love, even when it was very stressful.  God provided much more than we anticipated with the adoption fundraising.  I was hoping for $2000 on our 2nd auction, and God brought in $2448, plus 2 donations totaling $2250.  One of those donations was from a total stranger who gave us $2000!!  Who does all of that?  God does.  In the dark days of hopelessness, we can't see the big picture, which is why a new year often brings hope.  We tend to look back on the big picture for a few minutes.  When I do that this year, I am hopeful as the new year approaches.

As a new year begins tomorrow, I will probably begin the paperwork for a more expensive adoption agency, Bethany Christian Services.  It is one of the more used agencies, so they get more babies than the one we are using.  I stayed away because of the expense, but now we are only $5000 shy of what we need for that agency. Silly me for not having faith in a God Who is so Big!  Thanks to all of you who continue to pray for us and support us in so many ways.  You are part of the way that God brings hope in our lives.

Adoption Journey pt 8: Waiting is AWFUL!!!

*** Warning:  This blog is not uplifting and inspiring.  It also may not be very easy to follow, as I have a lot of emotions and thoughts going through my head and heart.***

I have been thinking about my blog a bit over the last several months, and I keep avoiding it.  I am in this awful period of the adoption process that everyone dreads.  No one wants to hear my whining.  Many never have to go through it, but many do, which is why I am taking the risk of appearing to be whining.  May you never have to go through this . . .

It has been months since we have had any calls about a possible child situation.  In some ways, I'm glad, as the emotional roller coaster isn't as stressful. However, not hearing anything gets really old, really fast.

Over the last 2 years, I have rejoiced with those who rejoice because they have gotten pregnant or have been able to adopt, and I have wept with those who miscarry or an adoption opportunity falls through.  I have spent the last 12 years learning to handle it when people get pregnant, and I can honestly rejoice with them now.  Then I had to learn how to rejoice with those who are able to adopt children, as I sit back and wait.  The hardest ones for me at this point are the ones who have been in the process less time than we have, and get a child . . . just like it was hard to get used to people getting pregnant who weren't married or who got pregnant quickly.

[SIDE NOTE:  One of those things that I have had to learn over the course of my life is to learn that everyone's pain is real and we all need encouragement . . . even if their pain seems ridiculous to you because you have been enduring the same pain twice as long as they have or their pain doesn't seem as painful as yours.  We are all at different points in our lives,  Everyone's pain is unique.  God is leading all of us on a journey towards Him, and the lesson He is trying to teach me, may not be the same lesson that He is trying to teach someone else.  God is sovereign.  God is love.  He is for us.]


I often wonder if God is trying to tell us that we weren't ever meant to have children in our home, and I still wonder that some days.  Yet, God has brought in over $10,000 on this journey.  It could cost us up to $30,000, and to have God provide all of this money at this point is humbling.

A few weeks ago, I bought this hand painted wooden sign from someone's fundraising auction that I don't even know who is adopting a precious baby girl from China. It sits on the dresser in an empty room waiting to be a nursery.  If He doesn't bring a child into our home, it is going to be an awesome gift for someone else.  In the mean time, it reminds me to pray for God's will for our lives.

Our friends have been so supportive, and we are so grateful for the friends that have rallied around us, encouraged us, and asked about the process.  I'm really grateful for friends who continue to ask, even though nothing is happening.  I'm grateful for the friends who continue to share their joys of pregnancy and adoption with us, in spite of where we are.  It is hard to know how to handle people in this situation, and I for one am grateful that our friends haven't hidden their joys and trials from us.

I'm sorry that this blog isn't all exciting and encouraging, but I decided that I needed to be raw.  You got raw . . . Now you know how to pray for us.  Prayer is what we need more than anything else at this point.  We are eternally grateful for your prayers.  

We are going to have another facebook auction over Black Friday in late November, and we pray that God will continue to bring the funds in. If you want to be a part of the fundraising auction by donating items or services, or if you just want to be added to the auction so you can bid, let me know.  I will be sure that you get added.

As always, you can donate to our gofundme page: https://www.gofundme.com/gr2e5s.

Christians: Don't be lazy; Get to work!

This year has been a difficult for Christians in the United States.  We feel as if we are under attack, and we are.  It isn't about us though; it is about God.  The world hates Him, and when you follow Him, they will hate you too.
Matthew 10:22, "You will be hated by everyone because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved."  
John 15:19: "If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you."

Satan's attack on the US has been subtle, but with each passing year, it becomes more and more obvious.  I remember thinking, "I think I'll just move to China.  I loved my time there."  Then I remembered that as attacked as we feel in the US, the attack there is much harsher.  Why is it different here? Because I am home.  Home is supposed to be comfortable.  When I go to China (or any other country), I go with a purpose.  When I am in the US, I am home.  As I was processing this, God said to me, "Liz, this world is not your home."  I shouldn't be living in a lazy fashion as I have been doing because this is not my home.  I am here for a purpose, and I need to fulfill it.  I can't get lazy because there is work to be done.  I cannot fear; I need to be strong and get to work. 

Haggai 2:4: "But now take courage, Zerubbabel,’ [Governor] declares the Lord, ‘take courage also, Joshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest, [Religious leaders] and all you people of the land [All of us] take courage,’ declares the Lord, ‘and work; for I am with you,’ declares the Lord of hosts." [explanations mine]

So no need to worry.  Be strong.  Keep your eyes on things above.  Be about the work that God has called us to.  Go and make disciples . . . The nations are coming to us, and that includes the United States of America. 

Exhaustion

I'm tired.
  
I'm tired physically.  I didn't sleep well last night.  I have worked all summer with no real break.  I have been working on the house this summer.  I am taking care of alot of things that I shouldn't have to take care of.  

I'm tired socially.  I'm an introvert, and when an introvert is tired, social interaction is exhausting.  I have done a ton of social interaction this summer with work.  Lots of "being on" (my introvert friends will get this). The things going on in our nation over the last 6 months have been exhausting. 

I'm tired mentally.  I have been teaching online most of the summer, and some questions that I get blow my brain . . . really?  Did you read anything I wrote? Then the facebook arguments over social issues, and the talking heads on television that I refuse to listen to anymore.

I'm tired emotionally.  My husband's health has been poor, and that is very wearing on both of us.  For some reason, I want to add a child to this caretaking role, and we just keep waiting with no news of anykind.  The waiting . . . for the treatment to help my husband's symptoms or for a phone call from the adoption agency or for our home renovations to be completed or . . . the list is endless.  We need to raise funds for adoption, but I am completely spent on everything else going on.  

I'm tired spiritually.  All of this exhaustion plays a role spiritually . . . or maybe it started with this one.  The things going on in our nation are a direct attack from Satan.  God has turned us over to our depraved minds (Romans 1:26), and I just cry out "Lord Jesus, come quickly". There is little hope of it getting better, though I know that if God wants to, at any point it could be better.  I'm not trying to be negative here, but have you read Romans 1?  I'm not even just talking about the Supreme court decision.  I'm talking about Bruce Jenner, Planned Parenthood, TV advertisements & shows, etc.  And what am I most exhausted about?  Christians responding poorly to these events.  

I feel like we are living in a Sodom & Gomorrah time where Lot asked God to spare the cities for just a few righteous people.  Some days, I just want to say, "God just destroy us all, and come quickly."  The world continues to get worse and worse.  I know people have been saying this for years, but this year has really been heavy.  And an election year is coming up . . . ugh.  Commence bickering, mudslinging, negative, negative, negative. 

I realize that my blog has been very negative and heavy until right now, but I want to take a turn here.  We can't fall prey to the negativity.  We must not grow weary in doing well (Galatians 6:9).  Read Galatians 6:9 in its context.

"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction;whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.  Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.  Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." Galatians 6:7-10.

I especially like the wording here "God CANNOT be mocked." We will reap what we sow. There are consequences. We are already reaping what has been sown which leaves us in this very dark place in our society. I often want to bury my head in the sand, and just continue to pray "Lord Jesus, come quickly" (and I do pray this).  However, He calls us to not be weary in doing good.  He calls us to fight.  

 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God,so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." Ephesians 6:10-17

What does it tell us to do? Be strong.  Put on God's FULL armor:  Pray, be in the word, live righteously, revisit the gospel, spread the gospel, have faith, rest in His truth.  STAND FIRM.  

What does it not tell me to do?  Judge people in sin.  Sinners will sin . . . hence their name.  I shouldn't be shocked; I should take them to our Savior in prayer.  I can't hold people or a nation to a standard that I personally have chosen for my life.  I can fight for them in this war against Satan, and may I remind you of his eternal destiny.  

GOD WINS!! 

Satan knows his time is running out, so he is amping up the attack.  We need to amp up the attack and fight this spiritual war in prayer, the gospel, faith, truth.  Stay in the Word . . . and remember GOD WINS!!

Adoption Journey, part 7: God is Sovereign & Merciful

So yesterday we had our first interview with the birth parents of twins.  It was nerve-wracking, but my wonderful husband who handles nerves so much better than I calmed me quickly in the interview.  I stumbled around at first . . . What do you say to a couple who knows that the best thing for their babies is to give them to another couple?  I'm humbled that they are considering us.  I respect them highly for making that kind of decision.

The couple was extremely level-headed, and it really was impressive to watch.  It wasn't your typical scenario.  They both had full time jobs, and they were 26 & 30 years of age.  They just are in a tough financial spot at the moment.   I can't imagine what kind of guts it took for them to come to this kind of decision.

We built great rapport with them.  We enjoyed our time with them.  We were ourselves because we aren't going to fake it and try to be who they want us to be.  We wanted to be real.  We wanted to show them love.  We could tell the father in particular needed alot of affirmation, and we both gave that to him.  We tried to show them the love of Christ.

When we left, we felt like it went so well that we were both a little excited.  I was trying to contain my immediate desire to plan.

We were almost home, when my phone rang with that familiar number.  I answered, and she said, "You did a great job in the interview, but they chose the other couple."  She was a little surprised since we had done such a good job at building rapport with them, but she guessed that the thing that had them choose the other couple was that the lady had been a nanny for 10 years.  I wanted to scream . . . "I've been caring for children since I was 10!  I've been an aunt since I was 5!  I should have told them that!  I knew it wouldn't matter at this point, just accept it and move on Liz."

I was so disappointed, and yet so glad that we hadn't even gotten home yet.  I was ready to start planning, and yet knew I was going to have to refrain from doing so until we knew for sure.  I cried . . . tears of sadness and relief.  We were really unsure if twins were a good idea for us at this point in our lives, and I prayed specifically that God would have them choose the other couple if He didn't want us to have them.  God is so faithful and merciful.  He made the answer ABUNDANTLY clear, and He did it very quickly.

So many people have encouraged me to blog through this experience, and the response to my blogging and facebook posts has been overwhelming.  People have been encouraged by my postings and blogging, and we, in return, have been extremely encouraged by comments and prayers.

Pain is real.  It is part of life.  God grows us through each event in life.  The prayers of the Body helped me grow tremendously in trust this past week.  It helped prepare me for the answer of "They chose the other couple."

We know that there will be other opportunities, and whether we are chosen as the parents of these children or not . . . we know that God is sovereign.  When you have TRUTH like that to hold on to, life becomes much more bearable.

We chose to be very open about this process knowing that disappointment (and having to communicate that) is difficult.  We have watched so many couples struggle through this process in silence, and so we wanted to do this openly.  We hope that even in our struggle and disappointment that many will be encouraged.

Adoption Journey, part 6: Watching God's sovereignty in the waiting

So we have been waiting for about 4 months for a baby.  The first few months were a little easier because I was busy at work, but once the summer started, I began to get a little more antsy.  I had read a book about a lady's experience with adoption called Peace in the Process by Kristin Hill. I was looking for ways to get ready without buying actual baby items.  So I purchased some kid friendly decor for the bathroom that the child would be using at Target, and made a plan to remove the wallpaper and paint this weekend.  

We were going to need a new car, so we did some shopping.  We did not want a car payment, because we haven't had one in years, but we knew we were going to have to bite the bullet because a car seat would not fit in my little Saturn.  Well after some research and shopping, we found a car (the one I had been eyeing for 2 years), and we found a good deal.  So we bought a new car on Monday, and by Wednesday, I had sold my faithful little Saturn, to a dear friend who has already been through the adoption process.  She left to go get a check, and in the thirty minutes while she was gone, my phone rang.  It was the adoption agency.  They never call me.  This must be the call . . .  my heart and mind started racing, Is this it?  Is this what I've been waiting for?  Or is it just something else?

When I said hello, I realized it was our caseworker, and she was happy.  She said that Miles & I and another couple had been selected by a birth couple to be interviewed as potential parents of their baby.  The caseworker said, "Are you interested?"  AM I INTERESTED!!?!?!?  YES!!!  She laughed and said, "There is one more thing you might want to know before you say yes."  I gulped.  Is the baby sick?  She said, "They are having twins."  I'm not sure what really happened next.  I almost dropped the phone.  I was completely overwhelmed.  Can we handle twins?  Is this a good idea? What should I do? I heard myself saying, "Yes, but let me call my husband first to be certain he is on the same page."  I asked how far along the mother was, and she said, "Well . . . she is scheduled to have a C-section on June 19."  Uh . . . that is 3 weeks away.  I told her I would call her back after I spoke with Miles.  When I called Miles, I told him everything I knew except the fact that the mother was having twins.  I said, "You should probably sit down.  There is one more thing that she told me.  She is having twins."  Miles' response was, "Well . . . I figured we would probably adopt more than one anyway!"   I called her back, and told her we were up for this, and she said she would call me in the morning with the interview time.

Who knew God would have the perfect car, at a good price, and my car would sell so quickly to a dear friend who knows this process oh so well.  She and her husband show back up at my house with the check, and I tell them about my phone call.  It was so nice to have them here just after the call came.  I had 4 people inquiring about that car, but God knew I needed her.  They prayed with me because I was completely overwhelmed.  One was going to be adjustment enough, but two?

Please pray with us as we have our interview with this couple on Wednesday.   Pray that the couple would choose the other couple if we aren't to have these children.  Pray for this couple, the other couple being interviewed, us, and those two babies . . . a boy and a girl.  Pray for wisdom and strength for all involved.  This is going to be an emotional and stressful process regardless of the outcome, but we are in awe of God's sovereignty!

Adoption Journey, part 5: The Unexpected Part of the Process

So as we prepared ourselves for adopting we knew a lot of things because we talked to a lot of people who had been through the process.  So we expected the ridiculous amount of paperwork, the excessive amounts of money, the birth mothers changing their minds, and the unbearable amount of time that many adoptive parents wait until they are paired with a child.  So I prepared myself when I found out that a birth mother was considering putting her child up for adoption.  I did everything I could to not get excited, not think about what it would be like, not ask if the child was a boy or a girl, black, white, red, yellow, green, healthy, drug addicted, or when they were due because it was not yet my child.  I have no right to do that to that baby, birth mother, or us.  That is a lot of unnecessary emotional stress on everyone.  I have been doing copious amounts of paperwork for grants.  I haven't put a nursery together, though we do have a room set aside for the nursery, because the child may be a day old, or 9 months old, or 3 years old . . . they have very different needs.  So I have protected my heart to not have any of those things.

The part that did surprise me however was the number of children (of all ages) that people are bringing to my attention.  In the last approximately 7 weeks of being approved to be adoptive parents, 4 serious options (two newborns and two children under age 4) have been brought to our attention, and countless other options.  I was thinking these would come one at a time and with months in between them.  I knew there were a lot of children out there in bad situations, but I was surprised at how many would find us.  It makes the waiting a little better because it seems that at any moment, someone could call us and say, "This child is for you."

We are affirmed by so many people that they think we would be good parents.  We are grateful to God for giving us such good friends that want this for us as well as putting us in places where these children are surfacing.

I have no idea when a child will be for us. There is always the small fear in the back of my mind that God wants us to endure this process to learn something, but there will never be a child. I always try to push that aside, but no one ever knows for sure.  Only God knows for sure, and I need to trust that whatever He has for us is best.  In the meantime, it doesn't feel like God is doing that.  The little details that we see frequently, make us think that there will be a child, and it may not be as long as we thought.

Gentleness of God pt. 2

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 

Galatians 5:22-23

When I think of the Fruit of the Spirit, gentleness is not one of the things that comes to mind first. Love, joy, peace, patience, self-control . . . they are always the first five that come to mind, but kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness are the four that I have to work a little harder to come up with. Gentleness is typically the last one. But as God has been teaching me about how gentle He is, it makes so much more sense how this is a key fruit of the Spirit.

Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits,unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. James 3:13-18

Gentleness is an important piece to living a life that is full of the Spirit as well to understanding how to help people.  Wisdom from God is gentle.  Because of God, I am an edifier . . . that is my spiritual gift.  I am constantly being asked for advice, for prayer, for encouragement, for a listening ear, etc.  I enjoy giving those things, but I have done this without gentleness on countless occasions.  I want to take this opportunity to apologize to those of you whom I have given one of these things to without being gentle.  It is really easy to give advice and not be gentle.  It is really easy to pray for someone and not be gentle. It is at these points that my pride takes over, and I am thinking more about myself than about the person in front of me.  I'm human, and I am still growing.  

I'm so glad that God is gentle with me.  Now if I can just learn to be gentle with others.  Please be gentle with me, and I will strive to be gentle with you.

Gentleness of God pt. 1

But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. Psalm 86:15

I don't know that many people actually teach that God is waiting to pounce on you in judgment when you sin, but I believe that developmentally speaking we tend to perceive this as we grow up in church and hear all the laws that God has.

We learn that we can't reach God because of our sin, and therefore, God had to prepare a way for us to reach Him through Christ's death on the cross. We learn what sin is, and we need to avoid sinning because God hates sin. He does hate sin, but He doesn't hate sinners. Why else would He have sent His son to die on the cross to provide a way to Himself if He hated us. He actually loves us and even likes us!

Unfortunately, it is difficult for us to separate our sin from who we are as a child, and we grow up with that belief system. The reality is we are more than the sum of our behaviors. If you are a parent you get this . . . a child can do terrible things and you still love them! How much more does God love us, even when we sin.

This is not a license to go on sinning. What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. (Romans 6:1-2a). But it is a license to rest in the Lord's grace. He is compassionate, gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love, faithfulness, forgiving, and gentle.

When God showed me the depth of the pride in my life, I prayed that He would humble me without humiliating me. In retrospect, it is an interesting prayer. Some people that struggle with pride do have to be humiliated, but I have learned that that isn't His intent. He speaks to us all the time, but we have to be still enough to hear and willing enough to act. He has been gracious to me, and He continually shows me ways to learn humility without being humiliated.

Just the other day, I was sitting amongst fellow counseling professionals at a workshop, and the conversation about ethics and other ways of dealing with clients was astounding to me. I couldn't believe the conversation that people were processing through.  I was thinking, "This is common sense!" I then contributed to the conversation, and the leader of the workshop said, "That is profound." I couldn't believe she thought what I said was profound until I realized that this is just wisdom from God. "The fear of the Lord is the beginning ofknowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction." (Proverbs 1:7). Here I was thinking in a very condescending fashion towards my fellow professionals, and God reminded me that He gave me that wisdom. I have no right to be condescending and judgmental about that. I should take a stance of gratefulness for what He has taught me, and love for those who do not know Him and thus don't have the understanding that He gave me. Wisdom only comes to those who fear the Lord first. So seek hard after Him, this is the beginning of wisdom. Give credit where credit is due . . . to Him and Him alone. "For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen." (Romans 11:36)

I tell you this story because of how gently God rebuked my pride. He didn't beat me over the head. He didn't humiliate me in front of my peers. He spoke in a still small voice. Listen closely to our gentle God.  He isn't waiting for you to mess up so He can just pounce on you.  

"The Lord said, 'Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of theLord, for the Lord is about to pass by.' Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake.  After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper." (I Kings 19:11-12)

Adoption Journey, part 4: And we are on the list . . .

After months of filling out paperwork and jumping through hoops, we are finally on a list that will have our profile shown to birth mothers.  The last step was a photo book describing our life.

I was a bit frustrated as I wasn't told about it until the day before we moved into our new house.  I could have been working on it for months, but she neglected to tell me until then.  If you know us at all, then you know when we moved into our house it immediately became a construction zone as we are doing extensive remodeling.  I knew it was going to be a while until I was able to work on the book, and it was.  The renovations in our house are going slowly due to Miles' health and uncommonly increased real estate business for the months of January and February.  Increased business is great; I am not complaining!  I have learned alot about letting God time things out though.

God knew that the lady wasn't going to tell me about the book until the day she did.  God knew that Miles' health would take a bit of a dive.  God is the One Who brings business to us. God knew the renovations would take longer than we anticipated due to all of those things.  The child that we are supposed to have will not be deterred by these things.  God is not bound by seemingly poor timing.  He is in control of everything.  We need not worry.

Anyway, with the help of some friends and family, I got the photo book completed (with 2 minor errors I might add . . . it doesn't sit well with my slightly OCD personality :)).  I shipped two to me, and one to the agency.  They emailed me on Thursday to tell me that they received the book.  They also told me that our home study addendum, that needs to be completed because we moved since our original home study, will not keep her from showing our profile to birth mothers.  I was very relieved by that!  Miles unfortunately was panicked because we have two stud walls with hot wires on them and a set of open stairs into the basement . . . things that will not pass a home study addendum.  It will get done.  I'm not worried.  We have both been reminded over the last couple of months how God is in control of everything.  Worry does nothing but waste your time and energy.

We covet your prayers above everything else during this process.  Please pray with us about several things:
1.  Pray that we will continue to be patient and trust God during this process.  We could literally receive a phone call today saying we have a baby, come pick them up today; or it could be years until a call comes.  The limbo is difficult.
2.  Pray for Miles' health to improve.
3.  Pray for the birth moms' out there that are making the difficult decision to give up their children.
4.  Pray for the child that God has picked out for us.  Pray for his/her protection in utero and out.
5.  Pray for progress on our renovation.
6.  Pray for business for Miles' to help pay for the renovations and the adoption.
7.  Pray for funding for the adoption.  It is a very expensive process.  If you would like to help us financially to fund this adoption, below is the link to our gofund me page.

http://www.gofundme.com/gr2e5s

Below is the link to ou
r photo book for the birth mom's to look at and get to know us some.  Please take a look at it.  Show it to people.  The goal is to get our story out there.

http://www2.snapfish.com/snapfish/projectshareewelcome/l=21981999007/p=261971423325188241/g=79175346/cobrandOid=1000/COBRAND_NAME=snapfish/otsc=SYE/otsi=SPBKlink/

Now that this unforeseen piece is completed, time to start applying for grants.

Adoption Journey, pt 3. Finalization of the Home Study

After some delays (that I understand are oh so very common in adoption processes), our homestudy is in our hands now.  It is complete . . . that is until we have to do an addendum in January after we get moved into our new home.

I imagine that this process is going to really become difficult now as we wait.  Waiting is always the hardest.  At least prior to this document being completed, I was following up on paperwork and such.  It was also really nice to have the distractions of selling a house, buying a car, buying a house, end of semester work influx, and Christmas festivities.

So December 29, if all goes well, we will sell our house at noon, and buy another house at 2pm.  The new house and yard are much more conducive to having children.  The yard is relatively flat, and it doesn't empty into a major road.  There are four bedrooms and lots of living space.  When we move in, the house will instantly become a construction zone, as we have alot of updating to do.  We won't do all of it when we move in, but we will be doing a very large portion of it when we move in.  This will probably help the waiting process, but having all of that space will increase my desire to share it with a child(ren).

If you want to know more about the homestudy process, I found that these websites were pretty helpful.
http://www.adoptionhomestudyreport.com/
https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_homstu.cfm

Now on to distributing the homestudy and applying for adoption grants . . .

Adoption Journey, pt. 2: The Home Study

This is the part of the adoption process that was really unknown to us.  The descriptions were very vague, and depending on who you adopt through the process can vary some.  Our experience was not only good, but it was actually enjoyable.

Kristy was the name of our home study examiner (I'm not really sure what her official title is).  She was extremely pleasant and easy to talk to.  For our first meeting, she actually came to my office at work, and she only met with me.  She just wanted to get to know me and our story a little bit.  She asked some questions about me and about why we wanted to adopt.  She answered my questions like what the process looks like and what things we need to have for the home inspection.  She told us that the home inspection is such a minor part of the home study, especially for adoption.  If you are doing foster care, than there is a list of things you have to have in your home to meet the expectations outlined by the state.  She never really did give me a list, but she recommended a carbon monoxide alarm and a fire extinguisher.

For our second meeting, about a week later, she came to our house.  She met Miles and talked with us as a couple: How do we resolve conflict, how do we communicate, how do we anticipate sharing parenting responsibilities, what is our philosophy on parenting, how do we anticipate handling some of the awkward situations that may arise when people find out that our child is adopted, what have read, what kind of support system do we have.  She interviewed Miles thoroughly.  She wanted to know his life story, so she met with him for over an hour while I went to another room.  She has excellent counseling skills, as she was a superb listener and conversationalist.  She actually acted interested in our stories ;)  She looked over our house to see what the layout was, where were the fire extinguishers, and how would we protect our child from the chemicals stored under the sink. We didn't even have to have anything in place; she just wanted to know what our plan was.  Where would the child sleep?  If we adopted tomorrow, what would we do about the minor construction zone that we were living in?  (We were doing some remodeling to put our house on the market.) What kinds of safety measures would be needed (e.g. cabinet door locks)?

The next week, she met with just me again at my office, as she wanted to hear my life story.  It was kind of fun to tell.  You don't get many times in your life to just talk about yourself, and people be that interested.  She asked questions about my upbringing, my siblings, my parents, my adolescence, my interests, my education, my work life, etc.  It was actually really fun.

The part that I didn't expect came right at the end.  I'm a Christian, and I didn't try to hide that during any of our meetings.  Our relationships with God color everything we do and every decision we make, so I can't hide that.  When she was all done, she asked me, "Is there anything that you haven't told me that you feel like I need to know to really get a feeling for who you are?"  I thought for a minute, and then I told her about how God changed me as a 28 year old.  It was so life altering, that I couldn't NOT tell her.  It is the core of who I am.  She was very polite, and I even saw her eyes tear up a bit.  She was extremely professional, and she did not comment on its content at all.  I just pray that the Lord used it to impact her.  It was at that moment that God said to me, "Even if I don't give you a child, the experience is now worth it."  I felt content.

I truly hope that God will give us a child through this process, but God has done many things in my life that are not in line with my dreams.  I used to resent God for this.  I took on the martyr syndrome.  I found myself being very selfish asking God why He didn't ever give me what I want.  He seems to give everyone else what they want! There is a verse that I learned many years ago, and I often hear it used incorrectly.

Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

People miss the first part.  When you delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart.  He will give you the proper things to desire.  Just because you really want a child, doesn't mean that you are going to get one.  But if you delight yourself in Him and the things that He values, I assure you, He will give you the things that HE has caused you to desire.  Many times we seek Him, but we still hold on to our desires.  We need to align ourselves with Him and His desires.  Because God has taught me this over and over, I am finally learning that contentment only comes from aligning yourself with God.  He is the source of joy . . . not marriage, not children, not a new car or house, not success, not friends . . . ONLY Him.  If you can't find contentment in Him, you won't be content with anything.
I say all of this to say that God knows what is best for Miles & Liz Moseley.  Miles is 41, and I am nearly 38.  We are a bit old to be starting a family.  We look around at families with young children, and realize that we are nearly twice their age sometimes.  We are old enough to have children in college, but God has chosen to not give us children yet.  During my struggle with not having children, God told me that He gave me lots of children . . . they just aren't small . . . they are students at Cleveland State and Lee University, employees at Starbucks and Panera, and youth group students, etc.  Maybe that is all God has for us, but for now this is the journey we are taking.

So now we are waiting.  Kristy told us it would be 2-3 weeks until the home study document was completed and returned to us for review.  Three weeks is in two days . . . we'll see how it goes.

This is an expensive process.  It isn't like having a baby where insurance pays for much of it.  We have to pay it all.  It will be around $11K.  It could cost upwards of $18K, and there is a small possibility that it could cost less.

If you would like to help us, you can donate through this link:  http://www.gofundme.com/gr2e5s

Adoption Journey, Part 1: Why Adoption?

I am going to take detour from my typical blogs, to answer a request from some of my friends.  I have had a few friends ask me to blog about our adoption journey.  So here I go :)

Adoption is one of the most beautiful things on earth that demonstrates what Christ did for us.  

In May 2004, Miles and I met.  We started dating in August, and we were engaged officially in December (though unofficially probably September :)).  We got married March 5, 2005.  We actually loved the idea of adoption and talked about the possibility of adopting months before we got married.  

For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.  The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. (Romans 8:14-17)  

My sin came between me and being able to know God.  I had to die to pay for my sin.  God had a son, Jesus.  He gave up that Son to pay the die for me, so I could live.  Jesus died a humiliating death on a cross, the death of criminals, so that He could have me live with Him eternally.  Because I accepted the gift of His death, I received the Spirit . . . God is my Father.  I call out to Him "Abba, Father"  or "Daddy".  I am His child.  I am an heir of God!  

Paul continues on in the book of Romans:

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.  Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. (Romans 8:22-25)

God adopted me! He calls me His Child! I have all the rights and privileges of being a child of God!

This is what we want to do for another child. We want to help a child that could not help themselves because this is where I was in standing before God. I could do nothing to help myself. I was at the mercy of God Almighty, and He chose me! I want to choose a child, and give them a life that will be more stable. Life in Christ is much more stable than life away from Him. I can't imagine how depressing and meaningless life would be without Him. Knowing that I am loved by Him and that He gives me meaning, keeps me from losing hope. He is my hope! Being able to help a child who has no hope, and give them a stable life of love and security based in the love that I enjoy in Christ will be a dream come true. I want nothing more than to have a child come live with us, and walk away when they become an adult knowing Christ and being a witness for Him because of their personal story . . . not because of us.

So for us, it is something that we have felt called to do.  Little did we know that it would actually be our only option physically (at least according to medical doctors who really don't know;  only God really knows.) Miles' health has been progressively getting worse since the mid 90s.  We have been to countless doctors, and no one really knows.  They know his body is having an auto-immune response, but they don't know why or what.  After getting to a point where he was nearly bed-ridden, we gave up on doctors and started changing the way he ate . . . drastically.  He has gotten much better, but fertility doctors told us that his health had damaged his sperm.  We probably will never have children.  This was devastating news, as it was a dream that both of us had had for years.  

During this time, we learned much about God.  We learned that His plan is perfect.  We learned that He carries us.  We learned that God is bigger than anything else on earth.  We learned that His love for us is all that is important.  We learned that following Him is all that matters.  We need to live with eternity in mind.  

I prayed for children for years.  I watched as girls who should never have children (in my human opinion) get pregnant every time they had sex.  Seriously God, she has had 3 children in under 3 years!  God, this girl is a drunk, and you have given her 4 children.  I just don't understand.  He reassured me that I could trust His plan.  He told me that He gave me children.  He told me to love His children, regardless of age.  I work with college students all week long that need parental figures.  I watch other people's children that need help.  I teach students all year long how to properly care for their own children.  This is what God has called us to do.  

Until July . . . When Miles told me that it was time.  He had been praying about it.  Miles' health had greatly improved, but he wasn't expecting to ever be well.  We need to proceed with adoption now, if we are going to do it.  So we talked with friends who have done international adoptions, private adoptions, foster care adoptions, and agency adoptions. We even considered IVF one more time. We left the consultation for IVF in agreement that we needed to just go the adoption route. 

After praying through these options, we met with two adoption agencies: Harmony Family Center (Knoxville, TN) and Bethany Christian Services (Chattanooga, TN).
We connected very well with the lady at Harmony.  She was very helpful.  She also told us that an adoption would cost anywhere from $11K on the low end to $17-18K on the high end.  

We went to Bethany's information meeting, and we didn't feel comfortable from the beginning.  Nothing seemed to fit well.  This is nothing negative about Bethany.  They do a great work all over the world.  They prepare everyone very thoroughly (maybe too thoroughly for us, if that is possible).  The last thing that helped us choose Harmony was that Bethany has a flat fee of $18K.  Then there are some other fees like attorneys and adoption finalization on top of the $18K.  

So this is how we came to the decision to adopt as well as what kind of adoption we chose.  I will blog again soon, telling you about the next step in the process . . . the home study. 

Beauty for Ashes

It is a phrase I have heard often over my life, but I have been heavily impressed with God's ability to bring beauty out of ashes this week.  Sin, disappointment, divorce, sickness, brokenness, disillusionment, infertility, violence, etc, have been everywhere around me this week.  Here is what Scripture says about it in a prophecy about Jesus:

Isaiah 61:1-3"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor." (NIV)

Jesus came to provide a way for us to be with Him.  Our sin blocks us from being able to know Him, but Jesus paid for our sin.  So in this passage, as it talks about the devastating situation that we are in--brokenhearted, captives, in darkness, prisoners, mourning, despair--He brings beauty, joy, and praise. 

So as I have been watching people fall prey to the consequences of their sin and the sin of the people around them, I am reminded that in spite of our self-centered sinfulness, God can still bring beauty from it.  

Have hope in Him today. 

Peace

Those who love Your law have great peace, And nothing causes them to stumble. (Psalm 119:165)

The other day I was sitting on my couch doing something, I have no recollection of what right now.  I sensed a bit of angst in my spirit, but I wasn't sure what the root was.  The verse above came to mind, and as I mulled it over the angst disappeared.  

I am still not sure, but there is a good chance I was checking my facebook page.  Facebook is full of antagonistic postings: political, social, and religious. I even stopped watching the news because I get so tired of hearing about anti-God things.  I don't ignore the news, because we are told to watch and be aware of what is happening and coming (Luke 21:28).  We know what is going to happen, and even in Revelation 2:10, he says "Do not fear what you are about to suffer." But I digress . . . 

The point that the Lord confirmed in my soul this week is the power of His Word.  When we read, apply, and believe His word, the peace that overcomes us is only of Him.  So this morning, I read through Psalm 119 to remind myself about the power of His word.  

Here are a few of my favorites this morning: 

My soul cleaves to the dust; Revive me according to Your word. (vs. 25)

If Your law had not been my delight, Then I would have perished in my affliction.  I will never forget Your precepts, For by them You have revived me. (vs. 92-93)

The sum of Your word is truth, And every one of Your righteous ordinances is everlasting. (vs. 160)

So as you go throughout your day have a verse or two in your mind to mull over, because His word brings great peace.  

Self-Control

Self-Control:  "restraint exercised over one's own impulses, emotions, or desires" (m-w.com)

 

As a new year begins, we all see commercials/advertising for ways to lose weight, eat better, work out more, diet pills, gym memberships, cardio machines, Weight Watchers, athletic exercise apparel, etc.  It seems a bit ridiculous, but even though many people don't hold to these things, they do try.  They do typically have success at least for a few days.  I appreciate that people at least want to do a little better. 

2013 was not the most pleasant of years, but it certainly wasn't the most difficult.  Miles health has been a little better.  Work has been more stressful.  Max has brought us much fun and laughter.  Friends and family struggle.  Two credit cards were paid off.  God has taught us very much, and I do believe the root has been self-control. 

I was at the gym a few days ago, and someone I had not seen in awhile asked about Miles' health.  We have made so many diet changes that it is ridiculous.  We have seen some glimpses of improved health, but for the last two weeks we have seen a significant improvement in his health.  For a year, Miles has eaten basically meats & greens.  He cut out sugar, corn, gluten, grains, carbs, fruit, dairy, caffeine, etc. Two weeks ago, he started eating homemade fermented foods, and drinking bone broth.  It seems to have healed (or at least begun the process of healing) his leaky gut, and now he can eat more things.  The lady said to me, "I am so proud of you guys.  Most people just give up and live with whatever their symptoms are.  You two have implemented a difficult diet, and continued to do your own research after doctors just tried to label an autoimmune disease that you were going to have to live with.  That is an incredible amount of self-control that most people don't have.  They would rather take a pill, or give up."  I had never thought about it that way before.  Another friend was so encouraged by Miles' improvement, that they asked if he would talk to one of their friends who was bed-ridden (as Miles had been two years ago) to tell them what he was doing.  Miles talked to the person, and they were unwilling to do what Miles was doing.  They were BED-RIDDEN, and they didn't have the self-control to just eat better to feel better.  We are so lazy as a society. 

The other night, I saw bits and pieces of "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" on HLN.  It is an excellent documentary on obesity.  I hope to soon find time to watch it in its entirety.  We as a nation are so concerned about how a food makes us feel that we don't even have the self-control to eat what will help us.  We will eat ourselves to death . . . literally.

Though I struggle some with self-control, I know that my temperament is more self-controlled than the average person, as I recall my childhood.  My mom would give me $1 a week to buy a $0.20 ice cream each day at lunch.  If I wanted to save the money, I could.  I went years in elementary school with no ice cream at lunch, because I knew that I could save the money and go on vacation to the beach with alot of money in the summer.  My mom almost felt bad for me because I was one of the very few kids that didn't have ice cream at lunch.  I saw the benefits of delayed gratification at a young age. 

If you aren't familiar with the Stanford Marshmallow Experiment, you need to search for videos about it.  A child is put in a room with a marshmallow.  They are told that they can eat the marshmallow.  The other option is for them to wait as the researcher leaves the room and then returns.  If they wait until the researcher returns to the room, and they haven't eaten their marshmallow, they will be given another marshmallow.  So eat immediately and enjoy one, or don't eat now, but eat two later.  Kids were licking the marshmallow, they were turning their heads away from the marshmallow, etc . . . very funny videos!  They found that the children that could delay gratification were more successful in life.  They could see the value of controlling themselves to wait in the face of not being happy in the moment. 

As Americans, we are all about doing what feels good, and it has resulted in a lot of problems:  poor health, obesity, out of control children, bullying, disrespect of people, dropping out of school, failure, misery, falling away from God.  Self-control is a struggle for everyone, but it is crucial to life in this world and the one to come. 

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.  Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.  Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another. (Galatians 6:22-26)

Though self-control comes more easily to some (as do other parts of the fruit of the Spirit), self-control is a result of living in the Spirit.  It is crucifying the flesh, and living by the Spirit.  It is about the change the Christ makes in us when we live in the Spirit. 

As a child, I was able to sit next to my classmates all year long as they ate ice cream and not buy any because my eye was on the prize:  Having a large amount of money to buy something bigger when I went on vacation.  Miles was able to cut all of those things out of his diet because his eye was on the prize:  Better health.  Parents that have the self-control and discipline to inflict temporary pain (time-out, spanking, not getting what they want) on their children are able to do this because they have their eye on the prize:  Respectful, independent, and well-adjusted children.

So this year, make a resolution to keep your eye on the prize:  Christ,
Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.  Colossians 3:1-3

The prize is Christ . . . the self-control is:  abiding in Him, being grateful, choosing to love people, forgiving, etc, etc.