Hope: Adoption Story pt. 9

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. Psalm 63:1 

This year has been one of significant challenges physically, spiritually, and emotionally which makes everything difficult.  Everything feels like a chore.  I am not sure that I would have made it without a couple of my friends constantly reminding me of their prayers for me even in my darkest days.  The texts with Scripture and prayers gave me hope in a dry time.  It reminded me of our church's (Candies Creek Church, www.candiescreekchurch.com) byline:  River of Hope for a Thirsty Land.  I was feeling thirsty, and the body of Christ brought me water.  Hope is a powerful thing when discouraged.

The adoption front has been very dry.  Some times we will have several opportunities that arise where babies may be adoptable in a matter of weeks, but this year has been VERY dry.  We have considered using another agency, but the amount of paperwork, time, energy that takes to apply to any agency is a bit overwhelming when you are discouraged.

This morning I was reading from Brennan Manning's Souvenirs of Solitude.  [I so enjoy Brennan Manning's writings.  If you have never read anything by him, I highly encourage you to read something.  Some of my favorites are: The Ragamuffin Gospel, Abba's Child, and Ruthless Trust.]  I was feeling beat down spiritually, and he reminded me God's love of Israel, and their continued lack of trust in Him.  I read Psalm 105 in conjunction with Manning's book, and read how God fought hard for His people.  He loved them so much that He not only rescued His people, He destroyed those who fought against them.  God loves us that much too!  He sent His only son to leave Heaven to become a lowly human for 33 years, and then killed Him, so that we could spend eternity with Him.  I want a child so much, and to think that God loved me so much that He killed His one and only child to show me how much He loved me . . . There are no words . . . only humble gratefulness.

Overall, as I look back, Miles health has had some slight improvement.  Our house is beginning to see some changes as he is sometimes able to work on it.  When you live with chronic illness, it is very discouraging. We added Cali (an adopted Chocolate Havanese off a kill list in Los Angeles) to our family.  I had some wonderful friends who were very encouraging to me.  I have a job that I love, even when it was very stressful.  God provided much more than we anticipated with the adoption fundraising.  I was hoping for $2000 on our 2nd auction, and God brought in $2448, plus 2 donations totaling $2250.  One of those donations was from a total stranger who gave us $2000!!  Who does all of that?  God does.  In the dark days of hopelessness, we can't see the big picture, which is why a new year often brings hope.  We tend to look back on the big picture for a few minutes.  When I do that this year, I am hopeful as the new year approaches.

As a new year begins tomorrow, I will probably begin the paperwork for a more expensive adoption agency, Bethany Christian Services.  It is one of the more used agencies, so they get more babies than the one we are using.  I stayed away because of the expense, but now we are only $5000 shy of what we need for that agency. Silly me for not having faith in a God Who is so Big!  Thanks to all of you who continue to pray for us and support us in so many ways.  You are part of the way that God brings hope in our lives.

Adoption Journey pt 8: Waiting is AWFUL!!!

*** Warning:  This blog is not uplifting and inspiring.  It also may not be very easy to follow, as I have a lot of emotions and thoughts going through my head and heart.***

I have been thinking about my blog a bit over the last several months, and I keep avoiding it.  I am in this awful period of the adoption process that everyone dreads.  No one wants to hear my whining.  Many never have to go through it, but many do, which is why I am taking the risk of appearing to be whining.  May you never have to go through this . . .

It has been months since we have had any calls about a possible child situation.  In some ways, I'm glad, as the emotional roller coaster isn't as stressful. However, not hearing anything gets really old, really fast.

Over the last 2 years, I have rejoiced with those who rejoice because they have gotten pregnant or have been able to adopt, and I have wept with those who miscarry or an adoption opportunity falls through.  I have spent the last 12 years learning to handle it when people get pregnant, and I can honestly rejoice with them now.  Then I had to learn how to rejoice with those who are able to adopt children, as I sit back and wait.  The hardest ones for me at this point are the ones who have been in the process less time than we have, and get a child . . . just like it was hard to get used to people getting pregnant who weren't married or who got pregnant quickly.

[SIDE NOTE:  One of those things that I have had to learn over the course of my life is to learn that everyone's pain is real and we all need encouragement . . . even if their pain seems ridiculous to you because you have been enduring the same pain twice as long as they have or their pain doesn't seem as painful as yours.  We are all at different points in our lives,  Everyone's pain is unique.  God is leading all of us on a journey towards Him, and the lesson He is trying to teach me, may not be the same lesson that He is trying to teach someone else.  God is sovereign.  God is love.  He is for us.]


I often wonder if God is trying to tell us that we weren't ever meant to have children in our home, and I still wonder that some days.  Yet, God has brought in over $10,000 on this journey.  It could cost us up to $30,000, and to have God provide all of this money at this point is humbling.

A few weeks ago, I bought this hand painted wooden sign from someone's fundraising auction that I don't even know who is adopting a precious baby girl from China. It sits on the dresser in an empty room waiting to be a nursery.  If He doesn't bring a child into our home, it is going to be an awesome gift for someone else.  In the mean time, it reminds me to pray for God's will for our lives.

Our friends have been so supportive, and we are so grateful for the friends that have rallied around us, encouraged us, and asked about the process.  I'm really grateful for friends who continue to ask, even though nothing is happening.  I'm grateful for the friends who continue to share their joys of pregnancy and adoption with us, in spite of where we are.  It is hard to know how to handle people in this situation, and I for one am grateful that our friends haven't hidden their joys and trials from us.

I'm sorry that this blog isn't all exciting and encouraging, but I decided that I needed to be raw.  You got raw . . . Now you know how to pray for us.  Prayer is what we need more than anything else at this point.  We are eternally grateful for your prayers.  

We are going to have another facebook auction over Black Friday in late November, and we pray that God will continue to bring the funds in. If you want to be a part of the fundraising auction by donating items or services, or if you just want to be added to the auction so you can bid, let me know.  I will be sure that you get added.

As always, you can donate to our gofundme page: https://www.gofundme.com/gr2e5s.